What if Love were Jelly Beans in a Jar?
Perhaps, the root cause of poor physical and mental health
Are you held captive within the mental prison of a co-dependent relationship?
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Co-dependency is a strange trap to be caught in and most people don’t realise they’re being held captive!
You may be very surprised to learn what co-dependency is and how easily you can become trapped in its clutches.
The ‘jelly beans’ story is one that Matt has used over the years in workshops and one to one client work, it strikes a chord with those who are suffering from it.
The mad thing is no one has ever booked a session to overcome co-dependency, because if you are inside the trap, then the rule is ‘tell no one’, so you will appear with chronic pain or a persistent dis-ease that prevents you from being YOU.
The book is written and presented as a fable or fairy-tale, it’s a short read that packs a punch to those who are held captive within the mental prison that this condition creates.
In co-dependency you aren’t allowed to challenge the status-quo
Illness is a very good way of sending out an SOS signal!
The only problem you are then faced with is, if the cavalry arrive, you will be forced to deny everything. This allows your partner to remain unblemished and your relationship to continue sailing, long after it should have sunk!
In this short story there lies the beginnings of co-dependency.
Love is placed outside of you (a jelly bean) and it is something that must be earned.
You can only receive a jelly bean if you have been good, not disappointed me and do what you are told.
Did you grow up in these sorts of rules and are they still with you today?
Do you say that you “feel fine” when you actually feel hurt, sad or angry?
Choosing always to stay small and not rock the boat?
These are tell-tale signs of co-dependency.
- Dependent – needing the support of something or someone in order to keep existing or operating.
- Co-dependent – Imbalance in a relationship of which one person has a strong emotional need and therefore puts up with things that aren’t seen as acceptable. It’s very difficult to escape a co-dependent relationship.
- Independent – a healthy state of being, not influenced or controlled by others.
- Interdependent – 1 + 1 = 3 both are independent, and they are together by mutual agreement, neither has more influence over the whole. Together they create more.
Many people may be fearful of commitment, the word itself conjures up co-dependency.
However, your parents’ relationship does not equal yours.
It’s possible for you to develop your sense of independence.
Good communication is key to an interdependent relationship as each partner works to actively listen and contribute to the benefit of both.
Seeking out the highest intentions behind behaviours so that they can genuinely grow stronger.
Focusing on the non-verbal communication that accompanies interactions is key to building and maintaining rapport, which deepens the relationship.